Parenting Myths: Debunked!

As a parent, you might have heard from people around you as well as the internet about certain dos and don'ts of good parenting. However, do all of these strategies actually help in you become a “perfect” parent? Raise a “perfect” child? Have a “perfect” relationship with them? Perhaps not. Here are some of the common parenting myths debunked:

The more you do, the better parent you are

FALSE: Running and rushing around, taking your child to many extracurricular classes and lessons does not make you a good parent. Instead, give your child love, one-on-one time and make new rituals that both you and your child can participate in. Allow your child to have some down-time to relax and provide lots of time to play. It is through these activities that your child will learn problem solving and other life-skills, and will be able to stay physically active.

Your child is more likely to do the right thing if you talk and explain more

FALSE: Children as young as 2-7 years old do not have a sense of logic and reasoning. To understand, they require simple sentences that they can follow. The child will not be able to retain information if you give them a long lecture! Start by using simple language and avoid complex instructions until they grow older and can actually understand what is being said.

You are a bad parent if you let your child struggle or get upset

FALSE: Even though it is not easy to watch your child get upset and struggle, it is necessary sometimes as it helps the child to learn new things, experience new emotions, find solutions to problems and as a result, develop self-confidence. Children can learn new things by constant practice, but this process can cause frustration as well. However, once they gain mastery, they are likely to feel great about themselves! Now is your time to give them attention, show affection and appreciate them! If you take this loop of practice, struggle and mastery away by helping your child constantly, it may result in low self-confidence when the child has to do something on their own. If your child is struggling, let them try again and again and if they still can’t succeed then offer encouragement and little help if required.

Spanking teaches kids discipline

FALSE: Trying to discipline a child by hitting them causes more harm than good. Spanking causes anger and aggression, which leads children to be more violent and makes them more likely to hit other people as adults. This cycle of violence in disciplinary tactics needs to be stopped. It can also make children fearful – wouldn’t you want the child to behave properly because they respect you and not because they’re afraid? As spanking teaches them how to avoid getting caught, use more positive alternative behaviors to discipline the child instead. Include positive reinforcement strategies like praise and rewards for good behavior.

It doesn’t matter if you show your emotions around babies, they’re too young to understand anyway.

FALSE: Your emotions do matter to your baby. Babies react to facial expression from birth and as they observe their surroundings, they get more skilled at understanding what they see on your or somebody else’s face. Within the first few months, babies start looking at their parents for cues on how they should react to their surroundings. This is called social referencing as they use their social relationships as a reference to understand what they are seeing. For example, babies will smile when smiled at even before they understand what smiling means. They will also cry when they see another child cry in the same way. Even though they may not understand what is going on when you cry or get upset, they will start understanding that you aren’t happy within the first 2 years. This doesn't mean you have to hide your emotions either! Let the child see you get sad or frustrated as these emotions are a normal part of being a human. However, make sure they see that you can recover from these emotions and feel better if you hug or smile. Additionally, social referencing also helps develop empathy as the child can learn to care about and relate to how others feel.

Contrary to what the society believes, it is ABSOLUTELY okay if parenting does not come naturally to you!

You might feel that you are a terrible parent if you are constantly struggling or if it is difficult to handle your child. However, it is normal for a first-time parent to feel lost, helpless and frustrated. Reach out to trustworthy people for support and resources so they can help you, but go with your gut when it comes to actually employing certain techniques. Even if you have had kids before, each child is different, and it is okay to struggle even then. In this case, try and learn from your past experiences and modify your techniques as per the needs of your child.

All in all, it seems like the ultimate key to good parenting is to remain engaged with yourself, your significant other and your child!