Emotional Mirror Effect within Families

Our kids look to us to help them to feel safe and secure.

Many of us struggle to understand and process the world around us, especially trauma related events. This is not only true for adults but also for children and young adults. It can be really difficult to understand and process some incidents, find rationale and give oneself a satisfactory explanation. However, we are shaped by our experiences and our outlook on life is solely based on our past learning and exposure. Trauma leaves an imprint on the brain, often a relatively strong one.

Every individual deals with trauma differently and that can manifest in terms of nightmares, flashbacks, re-experiencing the past event, fear, anxiety and so on.

However, children experience and deal with trauma much, much differently than adults. They are overwhelmingly stressed and anxious. A disaster, crisis, or other troubling event can cause traumatic stress, undermine your child’s sense of security, and leave them feeling helpless and vulnerable. In these testing times, children are more vulnerable to be traumatized with the ongoing COVID- 19 pandemic.

All behavior is communication!

Adults and children communicate something through their behavior during every moment of every day, even if they are not aware of it. A child’s problematic or inappropriate behavior is a sign that he is upset and that something is not right. An adult's irritated or snappy behavior is a signal that they are stressed or overworked or overwhelmed.

Even though there may not be any verbal communication, that doesn't mean a message is not being passed on.

Children sometimes have trouble communicating, because they may not be able to verbally describe the problem or know what to do in a situation. In such times, children may act out their feelings or needs. They engage in challenging behaviors for a reason. The purpose may be getting someone’s attention, stopping an activity they don’t like, or satisfying sensory needs — but there is always a reason behind the behavior.

What are the trauma signs to look out for in your child:

1. Regress to earlier childhood behaviors, such as thumb sucking or bedwetting

2. Increase in sensory-seeking input such as crashing, spinning, hugging, and hand/body movements

3. Showing signs of fear, repeated discussions about fear

4. Attention seeking

5. Disturbed sleep and eating patterns

6. Lose interest in friends, family, or activities they used to enjoy

7. Complain of physical problems such as headaches or stomach aches

8. Act disruptive, disrespectful, or aggressive

9. Isolated, guilty, or depressed

10. Struggle with school and homework

Irrespective of the age of your child, it’s important to offer extra reassurance and support following a traumatic event. With your love and guidance, the unsettling thoughts and feelings of traumatic stress can start to fade and your child’s life can return to normal in the days or weeks following the crisis or disturbing event.

Your child’s reaction to a disaster or traumatic event can be greatly influenced by your own response. Children of all ages look to their parents for comfort and reassurance at times of crisis. By taking care of your own emotional health and well-being, you’ll be more of a calming influence and better able to help your child. Since the childhood impulse to imitate is strong, if your child sees you taking steps to cope with the effects of the trauma, they’re likely to follow.

Therefore, it is highly recommended that as parents you do not pass on your vulnerabilities to your children.

There is no one right way to feel or respond to a traumatic event. Remember, feelings and thoughts of apprehension come and go in phases. Therefore, try to not dictate your child's feelings and thoughts, but instead let them flow

Try to do the following:

1. Rebuild trust and safety

2. Minimize media exposure

3. Engage your child in meaningful experiences

4. Exposure to physical activity/sport

5. Healthy diet and a sleep routine

Help your child to know that you care for them and you understand what they are feeling and going through, and no matter what you will be there for them protecting them as always. Making a child feel safe reduces their feelings of anxiety and helps them cope better.

Don't forget, children learn through play too. Provide pretend play opportunities, which will allow them to express and process their emotions without verbalizing them. For a lot of children, communicating their feelings of anxiety and frustration is very difficult to do.

Hence, pretend play is a very good resource to "let go" of built up negative emotions.

Encourage your child to talk and share their feelings. Look out for a quiet and comforting environment for your child to open up. Help your child to channelize their thoughts, and provide them with endless support. Brainstorm ideas together to help him cope better.

For younger children help them express better by colouring, creating, story reading and bonding.

Ideally, your child's feelings should improve within a relatively short span of time. However, if you observe that your child is still struggling to cope and these intense feelings are disrupting their everyday life at home and at school, you should then consult a mental health professional.

Therapists and counselors can adequately work with your child and help him/her process their thoughts and feelings in a much more customized and an efficient manner.

Coronavirus or COVID - 19 has changed our world forever , not only our physical reality but also our mental wellbeing. To help alleviate the stress and anxiety , Braintism is now offering tele- therapy and all the other required guidance and support. Look after yourself and your little ones. Feel free to contact on

+91 9426252627.